Well, finally settled in to my new place.
Let's get back to blogging.
I want to talk video games, because I haven't really had the chance to in awhile. The video gaming season is officially here, now that blockbuster title "Deus Ex: Human Revolution" has hit the shelves. Just about every week from now til the end of the year has something coming out, so I'm going to do my top 5 "GIMME NAO" list.
5) NBA Jam: On-Fire Edition
NBA Jam defined arcade sports games. It was such a big phenomenon back in the day, I recall hearing stories of big name athletes buying multiple arcade coin-op units to install them in all the places they would stay while out on the road. Some of the Marv Alberts inspired calls from the game are still legendary, redefining how my generation literally saw someone on a shooting streak as "on-fire." An updated disc version came out last year, but is now going to be released as a direct download Xbox Live Arcade/Playstation Network title, meaning we're looking at a $15 title instead of a $50 one. How awesome is that? Preliminary reports have promises of roster updates and whatnot, so this is looking really awesome to me.
4) Awesomenauts
I first heard about this game during E3, and it looks like my kind of title. Again, it's going to be an arcade title so it'll be $15 tops. It looks like someone decided to combine the mayhem of 2-D action shooters (think Metal Slug or Megaman) and make a team-based game out of it. Two teams go head to head in 2d Arena Shooter combat. There's multiple classes. At the end of the day, I'm a sucker for simple games who understand the 2nd dimension built the video game industry and can still totally rock its world.
3) Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Alright, so sue me. This one is technically out already. I picked it up and have been enjoying it. The first DX game blew the minds of everyone by expanding how we approached looking at first person games. Without it, we don't have FPS games outside the scope of run/jump/shoot. The story is complex and twisted and genuinely gets you to think. The fact the combat actually runs pretty smoothly now (the only real downside to the original) is just icing on the cake.
2) Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
As any fan of the Elder Scrolls series can tell you, the games keep you occupied for months, if not years at a time. The depth of exploration and sheer amount of things to do in the games are pretty astronomical, and unlike a lot of other sandbox titles where you can run around and do whatever whenever you feel like it, they have always had just enough direction to keep me interested in playing. My biggest issue with the Grand Theft Auto series is openness to a fault. I hate games that are so open, I lose interest due to being overwhelmed by options. Elder Scrolls, while having more to do in most cases, always seems to have a course of action in it. Plus, Bethesda does pretty solid RPGs. I trust the dev team.
1) Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
Hnnnnnnnggggg. I am probably the only person nerding out hardcore about this title as it's going under the radar of a lot of folks. I absolutely love the Warhammer 40k fanchise and it's grimdark darkiness of grim proportions. Basically, the game is like Gears of War except faster paced, in a richer sci-fi setting, and with a better dev team. Nothing against Epic, but all their games lack a tactile feel to them (as in when I am shooting something, I often don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything). The demo for it is out now, so I recommend you all go give it a shot. When you punch the head off an ork twice the size as you (which is saying something as Space Marines are 8 feet tall superhuman badasses), hopefully you'll get the same case of the "THAT JUST HAPPENED" giggles I experienced.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Nobody likes moving
There isn't anything quite as depressing as moving out on your own, whether it's your first venture out from the nest or a repeated attempt to get away for good.
Seeing the entirety of my belongings fitting in my beater truck kind of makes me take a step back. It's cool, though. I'm not one to dwell on materialistic things. All I really have is clothing, a bed, my video game crap and a television. That's enough for me. That's more than enough for me, really. The only thing I'd like to add to the mix is my own personal computer and I'd be set up.
The only thing I wish I could bring with me was the friends I have, but then again I rarely see them as is. Maybe I should develop some sort of cloning shrink ray device so I can have little pocket versions of the people I like. I'd patent it as the "Ne'er Be Lonely" or something equally atrociously named. The point of inventing something is to give it the stupidest name you can possibly think of. I mean, how else did we get the "Magic Bullet" which is actually just a single-serving sized blender?
I won't be sad to leave Vegas. Never did care much for this town. You either embrace the two-facedness of it and sell your soul to sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, or you you stay inside all day too scared to look out the window at the bad things being done in your back yard.
Everyone I know here is a flake. It's a shame no one has developed a dandruff shampoo for cities. It takes me weeks upon weeks to plan seeing people even if it's just to schmooze for an hour. I'm thankful for those times, don't get me wrong. But I feel the effort required into spending such little time with people is rather monumental.
So, let's look ahead. Back to southern Utah. At least everyone is a meth head instead of a coke head in Utah. Meth heads tend to be easier to deal with. The facetiousness of Mormon culture is easier to handle than Vegas' brand of lying in your face.
And the best part is, gorgeous women. Everywhere. None of the haggard sagging bodies of years of alcohol and tobacco abuse. It's a place where folk for the most part take care of themselves, and it is infectious living in a society where people give a damn about themselves. I'm looking forward to living in a place where I can say hello and smile and wave to someone and get a smile and a wave back.
Remember, it's the little things that make the biggest difference.
In other news, I won't be available for awhile to update this blog. Busy moving and what not, and then once I get there, I'm going to need to track down a computer of my own. It's going to be exciting times.
Seeing the entirety of my belongings fitting in my beater truck kind of makes me take a step back. It's cool, though. I'm not one to dwell on materialistic things. All I really have is clothing, a bed, my video game crap and a television. That's enough for me. That's more than enough for me, really. The only thing I'd like to add to the mix is my own personal computer and I'd be set up.
The only thing I wish I could bring with me was the friends I have, but then again I rarely see them as is. Maybe I should develop some sort of cloning shrink ray device so I can have little pocket versions of the people I like. I'd patent it as the "Ne'er Be Lonely" or something equally atrociously named. The point of inventing something is to give it the stupidest name you can possibly think of. I mean, how else did we get the "Magic Bullet" which is actually just a single-serving sized blender?
I won't be sad to leave Vegas. Never did care much for this town. You either embrace the two-facedness of it and sell your soul to sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, or you you stay inside all day too scared to look out the window at the bad things being done in your back yard.
Everyone I know here is a flake. It's a shame no one has developed a dandruff shampoo for cities. It takes me weeks upon weeks to plan seeing people even if it's just to schmooze for an hour. I'm thankful for those times, don't get me wrong. But I feel the effort required into spending such little time with people is rather monumental.
So, let's look ahead. Back to southern Utah. At least everyone is a meth head instead of a coke head in Utah. Meth heads tend to be easier to deal with. The facetiousness of Mormon culture is easier to handle than Vegas' brand of lying in your face.
And the best part is, gorgeous women. Everywhere. None of the haggard sagging bodies of years of alcohol and tobacco abuse. It's a place where folk for the most part take care of themselves, and it is infectious living in a society where people give a damn about themselves. I'm looking forward to living in a place where I can say hello and smile and wave to someone and get a smile and a wave back.
Remember, it's the little things that make the biggest difference.
In other news, I won't be available for awhile to update this blog. Busy moving and what not, and then once I get there, I'm going to need to track down a computer of my own. It's going to be exciting times.
Monday, August 1, 2011
I am woefully tired of this kind of stuff.
I wonder why it is people are so afraid of being honest.
The cowardice of others irks me to know end. I can't stand operating under false pretenses, so how is it other people make a habit of doing so?
I've mentioned before there is a girl I care about a lot. She is having marital issues. Her husband is emotionally abusive to her in the extreme, and HE left HER to go stay with his folks for a week. He issued an ultimatum that if she didn't change to give him what he needs when he returns, he's leaving her.
I understand that it sucks for her in the immediate sense, but seriously, this is a GOOD THING. But no. She's going to do what she always does and stay in a shitty relationship and make her own life miserable even though a person willing to do literally anything for her, a guy she also cares about, is there waiting in the wings. That person being me.
This sort of thing always happens to me. I cannot tell you the number of times I've been emotionally supportive, the best friend of some girl, just to have her decide to remove me out of her life and go with the guy that makes her miserable. I feel like the world is conspiring against me, as paranoid as that sounds.
I know I'm a great guy, damnit. I know it. I'm so tired of not feeling it because of crap like this. I know I can be the greatest boyfriend/husband/whatever to someone that's ever been. I know I am capable of deeper love and devotion to another person than anyone in the history of mankind. I am tired of feeling so unwanted because all the good people in my life choose to exile me from theirs.
It's doubly hard when that guy they chose over me doesn't really care about them. There's a situation that happened last semester where a guy I know chose partying and getting drunk over a childhood sweetheart friend of his that might I mention is ridiculously beautiful and extremely sweet. (She's a freakin' beauty pageant winner.) I lost all respect for this guy. He threw away such a powerful connection for booze. He threw away the kind of relationship that would bring me to my knees with tears and weep over, for alcohol. He's got women lining up to date him, and I can't even get a girl who's told me how much she cares about me and how much I mean to her to be with me for a hour.
I've taken several rage-induced slumbers since all this has gone down. I've thrown up at least 3 times. I feel so infinitely small and alone. It's hard to not focus on all the little things about everyone that's bothered me in the last couple months.
But I don't want to dwell on that. I always dwell on that, and I don't want to. I want to move on with my life, but I can't. Not right now. I need someone just to give me a chance. That's all. No more post-dumping-me-for-another-guy women telling me how awesome I am and how lucky some girl is going to be if she dates me. Because it's bullshit. It's so much bullshit to tell someone that, ladies. You have no idea how much it hurts to tell a guy who finished runner-up in the sweepstakes of your own heart he's got value, because it obviously wasn't enough value for you. You're gonna try and tell me some other girl is going to be lucky to have me? Then why the hell wasn't it you? How arrogant must you be to tell some other girl she's going to end up with the runner-up. That's disrespectful to other women, to think you're better than them, that you deserved a better man and they don't. It's plain cruel to me because I can't process that. I can't process the kind of nerve it takes to look someone in the eye, and offer comforting words, but only after having broken their heart.
So I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to change nothing. I'm going to remain the intensely loyal friend I am. I'm going to continue to tell people how I see it. I'm going to even keep waiting for this girl. That's how deeply I love. You can cast me aside a hundred times and even play the fucking field, and I am not going to begrudge her, or anyone else I might be intersted in. I'll be here waiting. I'll be here waiting to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I know I can do it. I know I can make someone else happy in the way I want for myself.
Someone give me a chance.
The cowardice of others irks me to know end. I can't stand operating under false pretenses, so how is it other people make a habit of doing so?
I've mentioned before there is a girl I care about a lot. She is having marital issues. Her husband is emotionally abusive to her in the extreme, and HE left HER to go stay with his folks for a week. He issued an ultimatum that if she didn't change to give him what he needs when he returns, he's leaving her.
I understand that it sucks for her in the immediate sense, but seriously, this is a GOOD THING. But no. She's going to do what she always does and stay in a shitty relationship and make her own life miserable even though a person willing to do literally anything for her, a guy she also cares about, is there waiting in the wings. That person being me.
This sort of thing always happens to me. I cannot tell you the number of times I've been emotionally supportive, the best friend of some girl, just to have her decide to remove me out of her life and go with the guy that makes her miserable. I feel like the world is conspiring against me, as paranoid as that sounds.
I know I'm a great guy, damnit. I know it. I'm so tired of not feeling it because of crap like this. I know I can be the greatest boyfriend/husband/whatever to someone that's ever been. I know I am capable of deeper love and devotion to another person than anyone in the history of mankind. I am tired of feeling so unwanted because all the good people in my life choose to exile me from theirs.
It's doubly hard when that guy they chose over me doesn't really care about them. There's a situation that happened last semester where a guy I know chose partying and getting drunk over a childhood sweetheart friend of his that might I mention is ridiculously beautiful and extremely sweet. (She's a freakin' beauty pageant winner.) I lost all respect for this guy. He threw away such a powerful connection for booze. He threw away the kind of relationship that would bring me to my knees with tears and weep over, for alcohol. He's got women lining up to date him, and I can't even get a girl who's told me how much she cares about me and how much I mean to her to be with me for a hour.
I've taken several rage-induced slumbers since all this has gone down. I've thrown up at least 3 times. I feel so infinitely small and alone. It's hard to not focus on all the little things about everyone that's bothered me in the last couple months.
But I don't want to dwell on that. I always dwell on that, and I don't want to. I want to move on with my life, but I can't. Not right now. I need someone just to give me a chance. That's all. No more post-dumping-me-for-another-guy women telling me how awesome I am and how lucky some girl is going to be if she dates me. Because it's bullshit. It's so much bullshit to tell someone that, ladies. You have no idea how much it hurts to tell a guy who finished runner-up in the sweepstakes of your own heart he's got value, because it obviously wasn't enough value for you. You're gonna try and tell me some other girl is going to be lucky to have me? Then why the hell wasn't it you? How arrogant must you be to tell some other girl she's going to end up with the runner-up. That's disrespectful to other women, to think you're better than them, that you deserved a better man and they don't. It's plain cruel to me because I can't process that. I can't process the kind of nerve it takes to look someone in the eye, and offer comforting words, but only after having broken their heart.
So I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to change nothing. I'm going to remain the intensely loyal friend I am. I'm going to continue to tell people how I see it. I'm going to even keep waiting for this girl. That's how deeply I love. You can cast me aside a hundred times and even play the fucking field, and I am not going to begrudge her, or anyone else I might be intersted in. I'll be here waiting. I'll be here waiting to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I know I can do it. I know I can make someone else happy in the way I want for myself.
Someone give me a chance.
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