Haven't blogged in awhile.

Haven't written in awhile. Figured I should just for catharsis' sake.

I have a serious image problem, in that the image of who I am that I put out there is not how I really see myself. I know that others kind of see me as this giant dopey insensitive jerk who's angry and sad all the time, and I mean, I am angry and sad a lot of the time and I am also kind of insensitive. It just sucks those are the things about me that define who I am to others, because those traits of myself are not how I define myself at all.

Everyone can be rude at times. Some maybe more than others, but we all have that capability. I wonder if part of why people perceive me as rude is because of other personality flaws of mine. Like, it's easier to get offended by someone when you believe that person doesn't care about you or anyone else, because that person puts out into the world how much everything sucks all the time.

I am definitely guilty of that last part, and I wonder if because I have done that for so long, if it hasn't affected deeply the personal relationships I've wanted to develop.

I've been actively trying over the last couple weeks to force myself to think good things about myself, and to try to put those good traits that I know I have out to the world. I really am trying the hokey advice of self-affirmation. Damned if it doesn't actually make a difference!

I've been so focused on my flaws for so long, I've always told myself "You can't do that." Or "You're not good enough for that."

Or worse, I often thought something isn't worth the time and effort.

And here again I noticed I'm doing it again. I've opened up this post with a flaw, and am talking about how I'm correcting it. So I'll just get to the point and skip all the psycho-babble.

I am a great person. I am a kind person. I want everyone to be happy, and not just the people I know but everyone. Even people who've hurt me. I hope somewhere out there in the world, even people who've blatantly disrespected every aspect of my person are happy. I love giving hugs. I try my best to make sure the best possible outcome happens in a situation, and take strides to ensure that I don't take advantage of people. I am funny and make people laugh. If someone asked me for a favor and I was able to accomplish it, then I'm gonna do it because I mean why not? It really is as simple to me as that.

If you're reading this, I don't care who you are, I love you. I know that sounds hokey. I know it does, believe me. It's something I wouldn't believe nor really care to think about if I read it somewhere, but it's true. Try me sometime. Please, try to get to know me or allow me to get to know you. I want to enrich your life, whoever you are. And sure, I am human and will probably mess up a few times. I can't promise I won't mess up, but I can promise I will try five times as hard to fix the mistake, and try ten times as hard to make it up to you.