The world is going to end, and I'm upbeat

I've got to tell you, the feeling is kind of neat.
A new look on life, my god is it sweet.
A part of me feels complete.

Okay, now that the bad song writer is out of me, I do feel pretty good lately. Yay upbeat blog posts!

I think a large part of it has to do with coming out of a really bad depression. My closest internet of the last two years turned out to secretly loathe me the whole time. One of my only real life friends ended that friendship Christmas night when after her boyfriend raged out and punched her in the face, she didn't understand why I was upset she'd rather get stoned than spend time in a loving environment.

Something in me snapped when she snapped at me. I just didn't care anymore. About any of it. I am a good guy. I was doing a good thing for someone. I've been doing good things for people for a long time, and I've never got any recognition for it. And you know what? I realized that's fine. I was doing it for the hopeful return of their love and affection. Now I am just doing it because it's the right thing to do. People don't have to recognize it any more. I am okay with being unappreciated.

And it's liberating. I feel like Salieri at the end of Amadeus: I am the king of mediocrity. I don't look at it as a bad thing any more. I'm capable at whatever I do. Great? No. Good? Yes. I'm never going to be that number one choice, and this realization is not sad. It seems like something I should be sad about, but I am not. I just feel like I've finally accepted my place in life, and everyone who doesn't want to be a part of my good life can just go ahead and not be in it. Their damn loss.