Maybe I secretly really do "hate women"

That's a terrifying realization to myself. I have made that comment as a casual aside a million times in the past in order to vent my own frustrations about my failures in the dating world, but maybe it really is true. Maybe it's not the frustrations of a good-hearted guy down on his luck as I view myself, but the honest truth.

I've spent the last hour or so reading articles dealing with women voicing opinions in the internet and the amount of crap they have to deal with. Specifically, Margaret Robertson's post I found through Kotaku and one she mentions immediately in that post by a guy named Mark Sorrell.

And I feel like crap right now. I'm not the type of guy that ever sends unsolicited messages on X-Box or any other gaming medium targetting women. Or anyone, really. In fact, the only messages I send on X-Box Live other than ones to friends have been to opponents in a game I particularly enjoyed playing against. Whether I won or lost, when the competition was good and friendly, I make it a point to send a "GG dude! Helluva game" message or something along those lines. I believe we need as a culture to make a more concentrated effort to display sportsmanship online as we would in person.

But I know I've said derogatory things before. Just the other day, I was playing Left 4 Dead 2 with one of my only real life friends and a few people he knows. One of them was a girl, and immediately the flirtatious side of me came out. It wasn't in a direct way (I've learned better) but I was monitoring what I said an awful lot more than I usually do and was making a conscious effort to be more witty and funny than I usually am. I believe I made a lot of jokes about how the only type of women I could get were the really fat, blimp-like ones.

It was funny in context, but now that I'm looking at it out of context, I'm mortified by the sexism I've displayed. It's subconscious. I have a really low opinion of myself normally, so the way I self-deprecate is by making fun of obese women, by implying they are low enough on the worthiness meter in society even I could get with them and it would be welcome on their parts.

I'm better than that. God I feel so awful right now, but I guess I need to take heart in that. Hold on to this self-anger and utilize it to be a better man going forward, right? That's all anyone can do when they've been faced with an uncomfortable truth about themselves. So what I'm doing, with my eyes open, is telling myself I am better than that so when the opportunity to actually put it on display arizes, I'll go "I am better than that" and hold myself to higher standards.

At the end of the day, this is all I've ever really asked of anyone. It might seem like I ask a lot of people, because I'm a very opinionated a-hole most the time. But I'm ultimately an extremely forgiving individual. The person I whined about in my last post? I can legitimately say I hate her right now and am glad she's out of my life. But would I forgive her in a heartbeat if she decided to actually mend this rift? Absolutely. I'd  be wary for awhile, but I am an trusting enough person to say what the hell and go for it. I suppose the reason I am so hurt by her decision is she is not the same way.

I am getting off-topic: Let's talk about women on the internet for a second. Did you know women who express opinions for a living get hate mail based entirely upon their gender and nothing about the contents of their work? I had no idea. And some of the stories I've heard go as far as to say they've been mailed their own address (not publicly listed on any profile they were aware of owning online) along with vivid descriptions of horrific sexual fantasies these nutjobs want to carry out on said opinionated women. I'd spoken very, very briefly with my friend Jill about this, as she is a gamer into the Modern Warfare franchise specifically. According to her, she gets hate mail or sexual requests every round she speaks through the mic.

Considering how emotionally twisted I get from some of the things that occur to me in my life, I can't even imagine. If you're a male gamer, and you're reading this, I encourage you to examine your own behavior. Ignore what you perceive as the norm for a second. Let's throw away stupid ideals such as "It cannot be changed." We're going to Glen Beck this and ONLY talk about you. If my post gets even just one other person to examine their behavior toward other people, then this was the best 20 minutes (give or take) I've spent in the last month.

I suppose from an entirely selfish standpoint, I want it to be acceptable for "normal" girls to play video games. Let's face it; the perception is only nerdy girls or "fat, ugly" girls or lesbians or to sum it all up, "fringe personality" girls play video games when the truth is everyone in today's society plays them.

Anyway, I'll finish ranting about this topic later. Gotta run!

No, seriously, I hate that I love women.

This is probably the most misogynistic thing you'll read all day, and I apologize about that. I could pretend I was politically correct, but y'all know me. I leave politicking to people with no souls.

So, anyone who knows me or followed my blog when I originally started it knows there's a girl in northern California I care about a lot. The relationship has been entirely long distance, and I recognize that's probably weird to a lot of people I care as much about this person as I do because of that fact. Thing is, I didn't expect her to question it.

That stings on a level I have a hard time understanding. Let me go and explain the entire situation as best I see it.

About two weeks before the new Call of Duty came out, she text me saying "I'm bored!" I told her "I'm just chilling playing games on Xbox with some friends of mine. Join the party and come chat with us?" So she did. And things went pretty well for awhile. She got along with my friends. That made me happy, and hey it was a way to actually talk to her rather than texting all the time.

Fast forward to the release of the game. We all played it quite a bit that first week, and I'm a highly competitive guy. When I struggle, I get whiney. I'm not proud of it and it's something I work on constantly. However, it's super difficult when everyone on your own friend's list is harping on you. Friendly ribbing is part of the game, and for the most part I took it well and it didn't really bother me. But when it did start to bother me, I got vocal about it. One night, I told them "Okay seriously guys, enough is enough. Could you please tone it down and maybe not rip on me quite so much for a bit?" After about 20 seconds of silence, I just said "Fuck it, I'm done for tonight."

Then in classic brainless hurt emotional wreck Casey fashion, I shot her a text saying something to the extent, "I expect that kind of behavior from them, because they are just video game friends and I don't really know them. Plus, they occasionally throw in 'Just kidding' or similar messages to lessen the blow when it starts to feel really personal. But you? I expect you to at least acknowledge when I ask a request." She didn't respond.

She also didn't respond for about 3 days when I tried to hash things out with her.

She also didn't respond on X-Box Live anymore. She started inviting the other guys to a party, but set it to invite only and no one ever threw me an invite. Yes, they were all playing the game. Yes, I wanted to get in and play with them.

This goes on for like a week, then I get word from the girlfriend of one of these guys (this particular guy and his girlfriend are real world friends of mine from Las Vegas) she overheard the Cali girl, and I quote, "talking shit about me." When I asked further, apparently she told these other guys she didn't know why I cared about her as much as I did because it's all been long distance, and that I was a stalker, and things to that extent.

Wow, right? Yeah, I'm a stalker. Before all this drama went down, we were both talking about what Christmas gifts we were going to send each other. I'm pretty sure she in fact started that whole conversation. There's absolutely no reason for me to care as much about her when I was there for her to talk to into the long wee hours of the night and morning when her marriage was failing. Another fact: she told me I was the first person she called when the official decision to split from her husband went down, even before her own mother whom she lives with.

There are so many little things like that I can point to in this 2 year relationship. I'm pretty sure at one time she cared about me. So I don't understand how anyone who ever cared about another could just shut down so completely when the other is trying to find out what the hell is going on. I didn't hear from her in a week, she wouldn't return texts or phone calls or messages on other online services, and then I start hearing things which seem to confirm my paranoia? I think anyone in that situation would be trying to find out what the hell was happening. If it was reality as it seemed in my head, the situation was extremely fucked up. She basically stole my group of X-Box friends (by the way, none of them really talk to me anymore and I still don't know why they suddenly shut down toward me too) and then said some really hurtful things which suggest she'd been feeling resentful of my attachment to her for quite some time.

Finally, after leaving a few voice mails, she text me back saying she wasn't going to talk to me anywhere because I believed some "mystery source rumors." She wouldn't actually talk to me, but would argue with me via text. I hate that. When things are shitty, I want to TALK. When you can hear the other person, it makes it so much less painful because when reading the types of things that come out in arguments, they always sound way harsher than the vocal inclinations would let a person understand.

During the course of the argument, I felt like she wasn't directly responding to any of the things I had to say, and was just turning everything around on me. I'm the badguy for wanting answers. I'm the badguy for not being able to read her body languages from a thousand miles away to just inherently understand she wanted to be left alone. She didn't understand there's a responsibility people have to say the very simple things like "I want to be left alone today, I am not feeling well" or whatever. Like I wouldn't understand that. I don't understand the silent treatment, especially in this case because I still don't see what I did wrong.

Well, up til the argument came to a head. I may have accused her of treating me like her ex-husband and another guy who liked her a lot that both started treating her really poorly, and that this type of treatment is what leads people to do shit like that.

Do I feel I am wrong in this assessment? No. Should I have said it? Probably not. But then again, she can point out my flaws whenever she wants and I'm just supposed to grin and bear it and laugh it off or solemnly swear to be better, but if I point out any of her flaws, goddamn it I'm on her shitlist along with her ex-husband, this other guy, a former "best friend" female friend of hers, and a few other people she likely will never talk to again and will retain anger and hatred toward for years to come.

It's been two weeks since this all went down, and it still stings and makes no sense so I try not to think about it as best I can.

AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I AM LEVYING THIS SITUATION ON THE ENTIRE FEMALE POPULACE:

I've tried so hard the last two weeks to get out of my house to spend time with just a female friend. No agenda. Just want to spend time with the fairer sex. Shit, I'd spend time with anyone. I need out of my house. The only social interaction I've had recently circles around video games and football. Not that I mind either of those, but occasionally I need something deeper even if it's just delving into the problems of another person. I've sent a gajillion texts to gajillion people who normally respond when I try to say hello and absolutely nothing. People are going to blame it on it being near Finals, but really? You expect me to buy that? Go observe people in the wild for two friggin' minutes. Everyone checks their phones constantly, whether they are in conversation with friends or not, and usually clack out a reply. If any of them actually responded, I'd believe whatever they slung my way. Not out of ignorance, but because I believe in the naive ideal friends should trust their friends unless given a reason to distrust them.

And so I've had to sit with this guilt and anger and frustration of being alone, of losing one of my best friends I've ever had, of losing a girl I love, alone. I have had literally no outlet to even try and feel better about things. I haven't had a single day since where I haven't felt shitty about myself, because I've had no one to tell me otherwise. You can try and tell me all you want I should just buck up and tell myself I'm a good person and just role with it, but I'm too observant to believe those lies. Good, worthwhile people don't sit alone in their house for two weeks at a time when they are trying as hard as they can to get out and socialize. Good, worthwhile people have people who love them and seek them out to talk or do things with.

I'm a giving person, and no one wants anything I have to offer. This is the source of my endless low self-worth.

Fuhbaw!

I LUV FUHBAW!

Seriously, I can't get enough of it. I feel blessed to have a teacher as cool as Phil Tuckett to bounce ideas back off when it comes to my thoughts on teams. For those who don't know, Phil Tuckett is more or less the man at Dixie State College when it comes to the film department. He worked at NFL Films for 30+ years and won 30 Emmy's during his time there so the guy knows his crap. I remember week 3, I asked him what his thoughts were on the Lions and he goes "I don't buy them because I don't buy their quarterback." Lo and behold, like unto a great prophecy on high, Matt Stafford has been obliterated the last couple of games. Defenses figured the guy out and yet again, he's proven to be brittle as he's got injuries piling up.

As I've kind of missed two weeks of predictions now, I'm not going to keep track of what's in the past and we'll just talk about next week.

PREDICTIONS WEEK 11

NYJ @ DEN:
I think this is a perplexing matchup. On paper, the Jets should crush. On paper, though. In actuality, I think Denver has a fair shot at winning this one. Jets defense hasn't played well on the road. The only game they won on the road all year is recently in Buffalo. Every other one, they've given up 30+ points. The Jets are coming off a loss on a short week against a team with an unorthodox offense. I am going out on a limb and I think Denver wins by 3. I don't buy either quarterback's arm, but I buy Tebow's legs at the very least.


CAR @ DET:
Again, I think this is an intriguing match-up. Carolina just can't seem to break the hump this year, while Detroit can't seem to break the hump as a franchise. Detroit HAS to win this game to stay in the playoff hunt and still have people consider them a contender. I'm making the emotional pick and saying Detroit wins by 7+. Luckily for me, it's also an intelligent pick simply because Detroit still has real weapons on both sides of the ball while Carolina is just high-powered offense.

OAK @ MIN:
Minnesota is so bad this year, and it's nonsensical. They still have fantastic weapons on the team, but can't seem to win a game. Oakland wins comfortably. The final score will be much closer than the actual game's spirit.

DAL @ WAS:
Geez, Dallas. Figure it out. One week, you get shut down completely by a bad team then you show up the following week with a QB performance of near perfection. It's so hard to pick Dallas games because the team is as Jekyll and Hyde as any in the last decade. Dallas should win this game. Should, being the key word. Washington looked good for a few weeks there early, then Shanahan did what he does best by micromanaging and bullying his own team to the point they quit on him.

BUF @ MIA:
Miami is streaking? Is that possible? The team has looked pretty decent since Matt Moore started. Give that guy some credit, people. He's played super well this year. It's revitalized Reggie Bush, who has looked pretty strong the last two weeks as well. And Buffalo is doing what Buffalo does well as a franchise, which is get too excited by a hot start and then quit playing well. I'm taking Miami in this one. Until Fitzpatrick can prove to me the early season win streak wasn't a fluke, I'm still not buying him as a QB.

JAC @ CLE:
Jacksonville has played the AFC North pretty well all year long. Cincinnati beat them in week 5 but the game was fairly close til the end from what I recall. The Steelers had an excellent first half against them but couldn't score again the second (luckily for me, it was still enough to win). They actually demolished Baltimore in what was the ugliest game all year. Now they are facing the worst team in the division. Jacksonville better win this one. Cleveland is awful. Prove you have the makings of at least a professional QB, Gabbert.

CIN @ BAL:
Baltimore only shows up during divisional games.  All 3 of their losses are to bad teams (Tennessee, Jacksonville and Seattle) and nearly lost the matchup against a 4th bad team in Arizona. Yet, they crushed the Jets, Texans and Steelers (and squeaked out a second one against them, those bastards.) This is another one of those on-paper matchups, Baltimore should win by a landslide. They've also got a couple bonus points from me for 1) being at home and 2) coming off a confusing loss. Baltimore has to win this game, right? Right? I'm still cheering for the Bengals though.

TB @ GB:
Thank god, an easy game to predict. Green Bay by a landslide. Do I even really need to explain it at this point? Aaron Rodgers and his bionic arm are unstoppable this year. Even if they give up 40 points, the team still wins. It's incredible.

SEA @ STL:
Oh man. This is tied with the Jacksonville/Cleveland game for Game of the Weak. Part of me doesn't even want to put in a pick for this game because, I mean, who cares? They are both so far out of first, it doesn't matter. If Seattle wins out the rest of the season and San Francisco loses the rest of the way, they still just barely win the division (and we all don't think that's going to happen.) I'm taking Seattle in this one just because why not.

ARI @ SF:
San Francisco just might be the best team in football this year and are returning home to a crowd who've been clamoring for a winning team since Jeff Garcia left. San Francisco wins by a bajillion. As much as I've been saying Arizona should have started Skelton as early as last year, that team isn't good enough to win this one.

TEN @ ATL:
Tennessee has the most overpaid athlete in the league this year. Period. Chris Johnson still hasn't got it going and it's time we all faced the fact he won't. Atlanta may have had some questionable playcalling this last week in overtime, but they are still playing decent football and have had the opportunity to win games against good teams. Atlanta controls the clock with a strong run game and therefore wins in a close one.

SD @ CHI:
Chicago is looking the best they have since Jay Cutler arrived, and they sort of made it to the NFC Championship game last year. If they keep up their current level of play, it's a scary team. They have the best linebacking core in the league. Chicago wins in a second-half come-from-behind victory. San Diego is going to look like a great team for about two quarters, then will choke. Phillip Rivers will still appear cheerful and unworried in post-game interviews. At some point, San Diego, relying mentally on past success late in the year is going to bite you in the ass. Oh wait, it already has.

PHI @ NYG:
The reason this matchup is interesting to me is because both these teams have this one Achilles' Heel. It's just bitten Philadelphia harder than New York this year. Both teams, when playing mistake-free football, are among the elitist of the elite. But they never just have a "kind of" bad game. It's always a total travesty of an effort, or it's a really awesome team we're watching. The Giants are going to win, as well as win the division. Eagles are just dysfunctional this year and with the whole fractured ribs thing Vick has yet again, it's just a bad situation for them. I say they should just go ahead and start Vince Young because I think they'll figure out some of their problems if they do that.

KC @ NE:
The thing a lot of people don't realize about this matchup is just how much of the Kansas City staff is made up of backroom personnel from the New England dynasty of the early 21st Century. If any bad team is going to make a surprising win against a good team, it's this game. Still, New England so rarely loses at home there's no way they lose to a bad team on Monday Night Football. Probably the second easiest pick of the week.

A week later and a year older

First off, sorry for not having anything at all last week. There's a myriad of reasons, the biggest probably being Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Stupid video games sucking away my soul.

The next biggest reason? I get seasonal depression real bad, and I think the catalyst for that is my birthday. Which happens to be today. That's right; I was born November 14th, 1985. Why is November 14th a funny day to have a birthday? Well let's do some basic math. Birthdays inherently involve being born, which means conception had to happen... So 9 months prior to November? We get February. Tee hee hee, my dad had a very good Valentine's Day in '85.

Anywho, I know most people find birthdays to be a reason to celebrate. It's not that I don't TRY to. Maybe that's part of the problem? I don't know. I just know I feel lonelier on my birthday than any other day of the year. It's a day I feel like people should say hi at the very least, and yet I usually sit alone in my house crying. I try every year to do something to bring me out of that funk and it just never works. Last year, I went mini-golfing with some friends and none of those people I even keep in contact anymore (though not from lack of trying on my part, trust me.) This year, I had a "party" on Saturday. Out of the 40 or so people I contacted, maybe 10 responded, and 4 showed up (a 5th would have but he's sick, so I wish him well. The flu sucks, especially when it's this cold outside.) 2 of those 4 were there for maybe 10 minutes just to say hi.

Now I don't want to mitigate what it means to me that these friends actually showed up. It means a lot, and they've been on my mind pretty much every second since. It's still very telling that I live literally across the street from campus, walking distance from a place everyone goes to every day, and couldn't get more than 4 "friends" to show up for my birthday. I know a lot of people I feel like I'm on friendly terms with drive past my house daily. Is it really that much of a hassle to say hello and offer any sort of message that conveys the meaning "I care about you!"?

Blah. Time to go shoot some more russians.  We'll talk football later this week.

It's the Time of the Season for Lov-- I mean Gaming

November is the greatest month in the year, as far as I'm concerned. Why? Here's a couple reasons.

First, candy is wicked cheap because all the convenience and grocery stores overstock it for Halloween and need to get rid of it to stock Christmas items, ASAP. Time to stock up on Reese's Pieces.

Secondly, my birthday. I entered this world November 14th, 1985. It'll be 26 years coming up shortly and while that makes me feel ancient considering everyone else I know was done with school and had a wife and kids at this age while I can't seem to find a job nor a woman who'll touch lips to mine. Still, birthdays are fun and y'all are welcome to come to my party next weekend.

Lastly, THE VIDEO GAMES, MAN! I've been interested in this particular hobby for quite some time and also worked part time at a video game store who shall remain nameless as I don't want to ever drum up business for those blood-sucking garbage feeders. Something I've noticed is the yearly cycle of video game releases. January through March, games trickle through and you tend to see a lot of family titles or blockbuster RPGs. That's when your Mass Effects and Final Fantasies typically come out. Summer, you start getting your action-platformers and there's always a surprise indie game to come out which blows everyone away. August and September tend to be slower simply because the really, really big name companies are still pushing for Holiday releases. 

October is when things start to heat up. That's when you get established franchises (or franchises game developers are confident will become established) which are generally well recieved but are not nearly as big as some of their competition. Hence Battlefield 3 being released in the later end of the month. It's when companies have to get their product out before the other guys just to try to draw away business.

Then we get to November. Every single year, the first two Tuesdays of that month are chock full of longly developed sexiness. Modern Warfare 3 is this year's big one, but in years prior we had The Orange Box from Valve, Dragon Age: Origins, other Call of Duty titles, etc. Go look it up. Seriously. November is kind of a big deal.

I plan on picking up Modern Warfare 3 next Tuesday. I am incredibly anti-Activision but at the end of the day, we play online games to play with friends. As much as I wish they'd all jump on the Battlefield bandwagon (I'm a much bigger fan of that franchise), the friends I have are all into Call of Duty. So, I'm just going to bite the bullet. I have a ton of games to play online, but absolutely none of my friends have the same titles. It's the curse of the indie gamer. We really enjoy things which challenge your mind, expand your gaming realities, and at the end of the day offer something new and unique. Clearly something the common denominator of consumers doesn't seem to really care for.

C'est la vie. Expect a review of it by Thursday. I'll tell you whether to pick it up for save your cash, assuming you haven't bought it as well already.

NFL Mid-Season: Where I was right and where I was dead wrong.

So, week 8 totally just happened in the NFL and it couldn't have been more exciting to me. I feel so validated on my pre-season picks. It's like I know something.

Let's talk division winners I initially had going into the season. In the AFC, I had the Jets, Steelers, Texans and Raiders. In the NFC, I had Dallas, Green Bay, New Orleans and Seattle. As turd sandwiches, I had a few teams listed that have turned out to be quite good (Cincinnati and Buffalo being the two big ones.) So far, I think a lot of those are holding up.

• AFC East:

Jets, okay they look bad at times. They are starting to gel now, though, which is the right time to do so. Patriots have just an utterly soft defense, too. The Bills with their surprising year look awesome. Biggest reason being their O is actually pretty good, and while they have some deficiencies on defense, they manage to get a lot of turnovers and that is how you win games. If I was going to say which team takes that division here at the midmark, I think I'm going Buffalo. They have the easiest schedule remaining of any of those teams, and I am a fan of opportunistic teams.

• AFC North:

The AFC North is looking like the new AFC division to beat. The Browns are surprisingly bad, but everyone else is great. Not saying the Browns were supposed to be good this year, but definitely better than they have played. Cincinnati is turning heads, though. They are using the prototypical gameplan for AFC North teams: Strong run game, at least one legit passing option, great defense. And, they are flying way under the radar. Steelers looked pretty bad early but Big Ben is playing out of his mind the last few weeks so they are back to the form I thought we'd see this season. The Ravens are a head-scratcher, though. Their record is good, but man that team looks terrible the last two weeks. They dropped just a mystifying loss to the Jaguars on MNF and by all means should have lost to the Cardinals this past week. That offense looks straight inept at times, and it boggles my mind because I like their QB, love their running back, and am a huge fan of at least one of their receivers (Anquan "I broke my face and returned the next week" Boldin). Still have the Steelers winning the division, though.

• AFC South

The AFC South is a mess, aren't they? Texans dropped a game or two in weird fashion, but when they look good, they look great. Tennessee was looking decent for awhile but then became what I thought they'd be, and that's an inept offense. The Colts are looking just... abysmal. It's amazing to me how terrible that team is just because number 18 isn't under center. Not much to say about the Jags, either, other than how their QB looks like the QB from "Remember The Titans." Texans should still win that division and get their first playoff berth as a franchise, so I'm excited for them.

• AFC West

The AFC West got a whole lot more interesting after this MNF debacle. Remember how I said the Chargers should win this division on paper? Well, paper it is. Team is choking hardcore, and my boy Phillip is in large part to blame. Yeah the rest of the team is looking poor too but he's still the one throwing bad passes and making mind-numbing mental errors like the one that cost them this week's game. The Raiders I think are the best team in this division with a huge asterisk now that Jason Campbell is down for the year with a broken collar bone. They better pray to whatever dark and mysterious gods that organization has worshiped the last 40 years Carson Palmer can get back to football playing form soon, because Boller is a joke. They'd be better with JaMarcus Russel than that hack. (Okay, not really.) And let's talk Chiefs for a second. I am baffled by how they looked like the most legit bad team in the league through the first three weeks. They didn't just lose; they got decimated. And now they've rattled off 4 wins in a row to be in that three way tie for the division lead. Totally amazing and that locker room better be proud of themselves right now. And I don't even wanna talk about the Denver Tebows right now because ugh.

• NFC East

Switching conference, I think the most interesting division in the NFC has got to be the NFC East. Redskins looked like they were contenders early for reals, and have totally collapsed the last few weeks. I blame Shanahan for benching Grossman after one bad game, which I think sends the wrong message to the locker room. The Eagles went on an impressive 4 game losing streak but are playing the way we figured they would lately, with an absolutely dominant performance against the next team, Dallas. Dallas can't finish, and in this last week, couldn't even friggin' begin. I am selling my Cowboys stock and I wish I hadn't bought any in the first place because eww, Cowboys. The only team playing consistently inconsistent is the Giants. Eli Manning is looking really good lately, despite having third stringers to throw to. Now that his brother is out for an indefinite time, he's stepped up into the spotlight. Oddly enough, I'm sticking with the Eagles. I know they looked epic bad for awhile but the win against Dallas was beautiful, and a statistic I think shouldn't be overlooked is their offense is the best in terms of yards per game in the NFL. In fact, they are on a record-breaking pace. Their Achilles' heel has been turnovers. They don't turn the ball over, they win and win big.

• NFC North

The NFC North is looking just like I imagined. Green Bay is tearing heads off people and sucking the gushing blood like freakish vampires, and Detroit is proving they can hang. Chicago is looking pretty decent, too, although they are a very Jekyll-Hyde team. One week, they rely on Cutler and get stomped. Then they rely on Forte, which ends up giving Cutler the opportunity to shine. Seems pretty obvious to me: Run the damn ball. The Vikings looked terrible til they made that change at QB. I'm suddenly a fan of Christian Ponder. I didn't think he'd fly well in the NFL but kid is legit. He's got an arm and has game presence I didn't think he'd pull off. Too bad for the Vikings they're in an inescapable hole.

• NFC South

The NFC South is just bizarre. One week, every team looks phenominal, and the next to a team look god-awful. How do you lose to Rams? How does that even happen? With a back-up QB no less. Still, New Orelans might have those weird bad mojo games like they did this week, but I expect them to bounce back and fully expect the other teams to stay middle-piddle-fiddles.

• NFC West

That just leaves the NFC West. All I have to say is San Francisco. Where the hell has that organization been the last decade? Gotta love their head coach. They didn't even really add any new talent, and are playing just exceptional football. They are good at all three phases of the game right now, and Alex Smith is playing like he was at BYU, how people expected he should have played the last couple of years. About time he lived up to his potential. Every other team is trying to figure out how to lose games fast enough to draft better quarterbacks, so I'm pretty sure San Fran is a lock to win that division and potentially a second seed when the playoffs roll around. I'm impressed.

-----
As for my picks last week, I went 11/13, and one of the ones I missed I'm pretty sure everyone did in that stunner upset the Rams pulled off. My other lost pick was because of just an inexcusable fumble to close out regulation, so I could have easily been totally correct this week.

Here comes the part you've all been waiting for: My picks for next week!

PREDICTIONS WEEK 9

Kansas City over Miami - Pretty easy call here. I doubt I pick Miami to win a game. They'll still manage it somewhere along the lines, but man they are pretty awful. I think Kansas City keeps their win streak up at least one more week.

Houston over Cleveland - Not a surprise, again. Cleveland is such a mess. Peyton Hillis going all diva and not playing til he gets a restructured contract is the death of that team. I am also really disappointed in Colt McCoy because he is just not playing worth a damn this year. He can't throw more than 20 yards downfield.

Atlanta over Indianapolis - This might be Indy's first win, but as I've stated previously I'm not going to take them in a game til they can actually put together a complete game. I'm still selling my Falcons stock, but I mean the Clots are just terrible.

Seattle over Dallas - I was able to pick one of Seattle's earlier wins and it was oddly enough against this division. Dallas was so epic bad this last week, I just don't think they can right the ship with only a week to go. Seattle seems to luck out with running into decent teams while they are at their weakest and manage to capitalize on it.

San Francisco over Washington - I think this had the potential to be a legit game if this was a couple weeks ago, but leave it up to one of the most dysfunctional franchises in the league to dysfunction all over again. San Francisco wins this one big, and I expect another monster game from Frank Gore.

Buffalo over New York Jets - If you read my mid-point message earlier, you already know why I'm going this way.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay - I know New Orelans got manhandled by a turd sandwich team this last week, but it was on the road. All of the Saints losses are on the road. They are still money and home and Drew Brees hasn't had two back to back crappy games in his whole career (as far as I know!)

Cincinnati over Tennessee - The Titans are starting to look like I expected they'd be all season. Also, the Steelers obliterated the Titans so I think the Bengals mimic the same success.

ADDITION 11/3/2011: Someone pointed out to me "Who has Cincinnati beat?" Excellent observation, because it hasn't been anyone significant. They beat Cleveland (division rival, and a team that is only 3-4 at this point), Buffalo (their only win against a legit good team as Buffalo sits at 5-2 currently), Jacksonville (2-6), Indianapolis (0-8) and Seattle (2-5). They lost to San Francisco, who have beaten just about everyone this year, and to the Denver Broncos while they were still starting Kyle Orton. So, one win against good competition and one loss against terrible competition. I'm still picking them to win this game to prove they aren't flukes, but don't be surprised if Tennessee bounces back from their two difficult prior weeks.

Denver over Oakland - This is probably my surprise pick of the week. I'm just unsure about what Palmer will bring to the table. If he plays like we know he can play, then I'm gonna get crushed on this pick, but Oakland's offense was just so terrible against the Chiefs I'm not sure they fix it in just the bye week. Tebow won't be getting Tebowed this game the same way he was in Detroit, either. But man, this was pretty:

Stephen Tulloch is my new hero.

New England over New York Giants - This should actually be a pretty good game, but you just don't pick against Tom Brady playing in Foxborough especially after coming off a loss like they just suffered. I give the Giants a fighter's chance but New England should win in the end.

Green Bay over San Diego - A team which can finish against a team that can't. Theoretically the Chargers should at least be able to make this a game, but dude they are so full of fail right now. I'm not sure I'd pick them against a BAD team, let alone the best in the league.

St. Louis over Arizona - This should be an interesting matchup just from the standpoint it's two utterly amazingly bad teams. Difference being St. Louis seemed to figure something out this week, while Arizona let one of the only good games they've played all season slip away from them. Then again, Arizona might have a big chip on their shoulder about that loss and might finally step up. This game is a toss up for me.

Pittsburgh over Baltimore - The Ravens just have no looked good the last two weeks. They lost and then almost lost to two bad teams, while Pittsburgh has hit their stride. As I usually say, pick the team streaking, not the team shrinking. Plus, you gotta give Pittsburgh the emotional advantage because these teams utterly despise each other and they're going to want to redeem the beatdown they suffered in week 1. Homefield, too, so keep your eyes out for yellow towels.

Philadelphia over Chicago - Philly is streaking finally. As I said, they have the most YPG in the league and can put up points against anyone. If they don't turn the ball over, they win and quite possibly win big time. Should be a great matchup either way, and it's one I'm going to tune into for sure. Good thing it's Monday Night so I don't need to worry about other competing games for my interest.

Man, I am no good at doing things in a timely manner.

So here we are, two weeks after I said I'd start doing my other blog topics besides football and it hasn't been done yet. To top it off, I didn't get my next week's of predictions in on Tuesday! So let's jump right in to that, and we'll figure out what to do when it comes to video games here shortly.

This last week was a turd of a week for the NFL, wasn't it? I don't think there was a single game which really caught my eye. Goodness knows all the ones on basic TV were either blowouts or just ugly, ugly football. As a result, I only got 7 of the 14 games right. Worst week yet. I feel really bad because half my picks don't even count as the St. Louis Hams, Miami Tunas and Indianapolis Clots are still winless. Yeesh.

But, this past week has made me come to a realization: The first three games of this season totally didn't matter. I mean, they will when it comes to the end of the year determining who goes to the playoffs, but none of the teams in the first three weeks are really indicative of that team. I'm blaming the short pre-season for making some bad teams look good and some good teams look bad.

My take on last week's action by game:

• Broncos 18 - Miami 15

All I have to say is Tebow has some crazy lucky breaks, man. I know the kid is getting all the credit for the ridiculous comeback, and he does deserve some because those last two drives were pretty awesome, but the biggest swing play was the recovered onside kick and Broncos fans better realize it. Tebow was awful for 57 minutes. It was great to watch him win, though. Also, Miami: You guys are so bad. Why did you go for that 2 point conversion when you were winning in a shutout? If you make it, yeah okay it makes it a 3 score game no matter what, but missing it meant the other team just needed two TDs, and only one of which (rather than both) would need to be a two point conversion. I honestly think Miami is throwing the season on purpose because the support for their head coach Sporano in the head office is nonsensical at this point.

• Chargers 21 - Jets 27

The Chargers, Ravens and Texans all have a problem like no other teams in the league: They straight up cannot finish games. They had this one, and totally blew it. I want to give the Jets credit, but I actually watched this game, and I can't. Other than Derelle Revis, no one on that team really played particularly excellent football. Well, okay, let's give Plaxico Burress some credit for finally getting his freedom legs back under him. Still, it wasn't so much great football on the part of the Jets as it was a total second half meltdown by my boy Phillip Rivers. It's bizarre how that guy has totally melted this year. He's been one of the top 5 QBs in the league since he's been a starter.

• Texans 41 - Titans 7

This game more than any other is the reason I'm thinking the first three weeks totally don't count. The Titans looked surprisingly excellent for awhile, but have turned back into the turd sandwiches I initially thought they'd be this year. I want to give credit to Houston for rebounding from losing two key players, as well. Good game, gentlement.

• Falcons 23 - Lions 16

Falcons are starting to find their stride, and the Lions injury problems are creeping back up. Remember how I said the first three weeks don't matter? Falcons are 3-1 since with their only loss in that span coming to Green Bay, while the Lions are just 2-2. If there is any franchise capable of looking like something really special and then coming crashing back to reality, it'd be Detroit. I really don't think it's going to happen and I'm sticking by my predictions they'll make the playoffs, but they need to get out of this slump soon. Chicago has started to play pretty consistent, and they are a good team. They're creeping on Detroit's heels and I'm not sure the Lions will be able to hold them off.

• Redskins 20 - Panthers 33

You know, Cam Newton is really good. He's playing elite level QB as a rookie, coming on to one of the worst teams ever in last years Panthers squad. Seriously every time a Carolina game is on, it's a treat. Kid has a rocket, he's accurate, and he can scramble. He's like a black Steve Young, but with even better legs. Also, the Redskins are starting to do what they do best and that's play mediocre football. I bet they have yet another 8-8 season.

• Bears 24 - Buccaneers 18

This game was played in London. Why? I don't rightly know. I mean, it'll be great and all if we can expland the American Football brand beyond our own country and all, but it still seems gimmicky to me. Anyway, as to the actual game, Matt Forte is an animal. I heard a stat off the television he's responsible for over 50% of the team's total offense numbers. That's seriously crazy. He had 180ish yards from scrimmage with a crazy amount of jet lag. Impressive. I also feel bad for the Bucs. They had a decent run game plan when the year began, but Blount's injury and now the season-ending injury to Graham are going to be difficult to overcome. I think Blount returns this week, but we'll see.

• Seahawks 3 - Browns 6

You know how I like to come up with derogatory names for bad teams by now, I'm sure. I'm going with Collin Cowherd by calling Seattle the Seachickens. And I was going to come up with something clever for Cleveland, but I mean they are already the Browns. You don't need to stretch far into the 5 year old child in all of us to giggle at them anyway. Sadly, this wasn't even the Game of the Week Weak because the MNF matchup was just horrible to watch. These teams can't even get a break by being the worst game to watch, how sad is that?

• Steelers 32 - Cardinals 20

Remember preseason when people were all like "Kevin Kolb is a good quarterback!"? I do. At least Cowherd's had the integrity to call himself out on having thought that. I never bought it, personally, because he was a backup for Donovan "I can't complete a pass" McNabb for years. If this guy was really any decent, he'd have started for Philadelphia before Vick came along. I'd also like to point out that Groepslithsberger has put together 2 and a half weeks of really good football. (His second half against the Jags was pretty bad but Jack Del Rio must have something about my division figured out considering the red-assed beatdown they put on the Ravens on MNF.) Just saying, Steelers are still a serious threat to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Mike Wallace is also just about the fastest dude in the NFL.

• Chiefs 28 - Raiders 0

A lot of people in Oakland are mad for the move to bring in Carson Palmer because he had a bad game, but it's not his fault. He was barely getting reps at practice, hasn't played in a game since the end of last year, and hasn't been with the organization even an entire week before being asked to bail out who was supposed to be your backup QB. Kyle Boller was amazingly bad. At least Palmer has an excuse. Notice how I'm only talking about poor QB play and not anything about the Chiefs? It's because I'm still not sold on them. Okay, they pitched a shutout. I'll give them that. But, they only scored 28 points? They had 6 damn turnovers, two of which were already returned for TDs. Those pick sixes were half of their offense? You mean they only managed two touchdowns off the other 4 turnovers, and 0 points on all their other possessions? Sad. Just sad.

• Packers 33 - Vikings 27

I love how people are still saying the Packers will go undefeated even though two rookie QBs have totally demolished their secondary this year. Yeah, they have the most efficient offense in the league. I absolutely don't want to take away from the Packers greatness, as I still am never picking against them all season. I just know they'll lose a game. Your defense can't give up that many points every week because eventually someone will actually make a stop to Aaron Rodgers. I also think the Vikings completely made the right decision to start Christian Ponder. Kid played really well in his first start, and against 17 of the other teams in the league, they'd have won this Sunday. It's just difficult to outscore Rodgers.

• Rams 7 - Cowboys 33

Rams are so bad. I love how people are saying "Oh gee golly, the Cowboys have done figur'd out durr problems 'n are gunna get back to winnin' footsball." It's the Rams. Sort of like what I said last week with the Jets, beating a bad team convincingly just means that other team is really bad.

• Colts 7 - Saints 62

Guys, I think I'm gonna move to Indiana and work out for the Colts. I mean, I've never done anything remotely athletic in my lifetime but even I've gotta be better than some of the players on this team. They are so bad. They are so, so bad. The Saints managed to get two more touchdowns in the 4th quarter when they weren't even trying anymore. And it still cracks me up just how much their QB looks like Sean Penn from Fast Times At Ridgemont High. 

Look at this:

And finally, the Monday Night Game:

• Ravens 7 - Jaguars 12

The Jaguars are one of the worst teams in the league this year, and yet they held the Ravens, one of the best teams so far, to ZERO first downs the entire first half. Yeah, they couldn't get in the endzone themselves, but they've got Scobee who hit 3 50+ yard field goals. Pretty impressive boot if you ask me. This was the most entertaining bad game ever. I saw "highlights" if you can even call them that put to the Benny Hill theme song. If you don't know what that is, it's called Yakety Sax and I guarantee you've heard it. They could have had this playing the entire actual game and it'd have fit. Whoops, fumble. Whoops overthrown pass. Whoops, dropped pass. Whoops 20 yard sack. Whoops 4th and 46 (yes that seriously happened.) I hope we have another inept offense to mock next week because this was fun.

Here comes the fun part.

PREDICTIONS WEEK 8

Baltimore over Arizona - No way Baltimore lays two turds in a row. Unlike Jacksonville, Arizona doesn't at least have a defense. They'll bounce back and win big. Maybe.

Minnesota over Carolina - I know Carolina had an impressive win last week but they still aren't a complete team. Minnesota has underperformed all year, and I think Ponder gets his first win.

Houston over Jacksonville - Maurice Jones-Drew hasn't played well, and Blaine Gabbert just doesn't strike me as a legit NFL starting quarterback. Houston is supposed to get Andre Johnson back soon, too, so if he plays that's pretty much the game.

New York Giants over Miami - I wonder if there's anyone who doesn't have this pick? I'd take St. Louis or Indianapolis over Miami right now.

New Orleans over St. Louis - Who does the NFL scheduling? New Orleans gets to crush two winless teams back to back. I love it.

Tennessee over Indianapolis - Titans has under-performed the last two weeks in a major way, but the Clots have done it all season. I'm going with the team with the veteran QB, but I wouldn't be surprised if Indy squeeks out their first win this year and lose out on drafting that Stanford kid.

Buffalo over Washington - Washington's QB situation turned messy. I think benching Grossman was a mistake. Yeah he had one really bad game, but to throw him under the bus like that to a guy who's just as inconsistent sends the wrong message to your team. Buffalo is also coming off a bye week and the team is legit enough this year I think that extra preparation time helps them here.

Detroit over Denver - Tebow's magic surely can't affect Detroit... can it? I think Suh and Avril are out for blood, so Tebow's arms are going to have to win it for their team and I just don't see that happening.

Pittsburgh over New England - Man this is a tough game to pick, probably the most difficult one this week. The New England Bradys have owned the Steelers in Heinz Field classically. Thing is, Big Ben is playing his best football right now, Mike Wallace gets better every week, and New England's secondary is really bad. This is going to be a shootout, and I always take the team with the better overall D in a shootout. Turnovers win this matchup, period.

Cincinnati over Seattle - The Seachickens are a mess, and Cincinnati is quiety having a really good year. It's weird they got rid of just about their entire offense and are clicking this well. I'm rooting for Dalton to have a game.

San Francisco over Cleveland - This whole Peyton Hillis thing is destroying the Browns. That contract dispute is single-handedly ruining what was supposed to be a much improved season for a historically bad team. San Francisco is playing legit, too. Frank Gore has a huge game, mark my words.

Philadelphia over Dallas - Eagles need this to save their season. Sadly, if they win they are actually up on Dallas in the standings for that division. With the slide of the Redskins, it means they have a shot at getting to the number two spot in just another week should they streak harder and win again.

San Diego over Kansas City - How fitting the MNF game lands on Halloween and features two of the most inconsistent teams in the league. I hope this ends up being a real Jekyll-Hyde match up with a bajillion turnovers. Still, end of the day I think San Diego wins because they can score points without relying on luck or exceptionally bad play by the other team.

NFL Week 6 in review + Rant on why Skip Bayless sucks

Well damn it, I missed a week. We had midterms and as a result, Wednesday was the last day any of the faculties on campus were open. I was planning on getting my weekly blog post in but could not, which is quite unfortunate. That means this is a long one because not only do I have to talk about week 5, I have to tell you whom I predicted, and then talk about week 6. Let's get to it.

Week 5: I went 10/13 picking this week. How awesome is that? I was also relatively close with my Denver over San Diego pick, too, although that's mostly because of TIMMAY! I've been saying for awhile that Tebow is going to be a legit player in the NFL. Why? Because he's got physical abilities and EVERYBODY doubts him. Talk about a guy with a chip on his shoulder. The thing is, the talking heads at ESPN and every other sports news program keep doubting because he's a nice guy and the opinion in the football world is you can't be a nice guy and play like you've got something to prove. I'm calling bullsnot on that notion right now. Just because the kid is a proud Christian and wears it on his sleeve? The rest of the world needs to remember that Christianity is an aggrieved religion, same as all the others. It's become rather domininant in terms of numbers of followers world-wide, so folks forget about the dark ages. They forget about the stories of what actually happened to the followers of Christ during his actual time on earth. Keep doubting Tebow, people. Please. It's just fuel for that kid to come out and put on a show. I can't wait for week 7 to see him obliterate Miami. Can. Not. Wait.

I'm also glad to say Roethlisberger finally showed up. Watching him carve up Tennessee made me so happy. Screw my predictions, I just want to see my team win and win they did. And the other game I got wrong was just because Indy's defense quit. They're offense actually looks fairly competent with Painter under center. Now it's the undersized defense letting them down in crunch time. It's a dysfunctional team and I'm starting to think they'll be lucky to win more than a game or two.

Other note to point out: Remember what I said about the Giants being inconsistent? Seattle proved it. It's like I know something.

Instead of talking directly who I think was going to win in week 6, I'll just comment on in as I give a recap of each game so you'll actually believe me rather than think I retroactively picked teams just because we all now know who won them all.

Carolina @ Atlanta: Man, I am so mad at the Panthers. I totally had them winning this one, and cam Newton let me down. People are still defending him but I'm sorry, he had a bad game. 3 INTs, no passing touchdowns, and roughly 250 passing yards is all? Any other QB, we'd be torching the guy but because it's been the wonderboy story of the season so far, the media is giving him a pass. I'm not. Cam, I doubt you read some no name kid out of Nevada's blog, but if you're reading this: Decision Making. That's your goal this week. Don't throw the game away.

Indianapolis @ Cincinnati: My friend Craig has dubbed Andy Dalton the "Red Rocket." Kid is baller. Seriously, I'm rooting for that kid (and Kellen Moore when he gets drafted this upcoming year) more than any other player outside of the ones directly on my team for the simple reason everyone doubted him coming out of college because he didn't play for a BCS team. SCREW COLLEGE FOOTBALL! Every time someone gives me some run down on why the SEC is the only college football conference worth following, I want to pop them in the mouth. College football's system is inherently flawed because opinion decides the ultimate victor. It's total crap, and everyone who really likes it only really likes it because the talking heads in the industry happen to really like that school too. It seriously makes me rage. Oh, and btw, I would have had Cinci in this game just because Indy dropped the ball so badly last week. They did so again. Poor Clots fans.

San Francisco @ Detroit: What a game. I'm a Lions fan and all (they are my second favorite team and have been for a long time. I'm not bandwagoning, I swear!) but even in a loss, it was fun to watch. The Lions stadium is quickly becoming the new 12th Man. And I have to give credit to the Niners. If you'd have told me they'd have a bajillionty penalties like they had and yet would still win the game (and off of a beautiful perfect pass by Alex Smith to boot), I'd have laughed at you. Yet, that's exactly what happened. Niners are legit. Detroit is also legit, but needs to figure out some way to be more consistent on offense rather than rely on the big play all the time. Also, you heard it here first: This is going to be a Wildcard Weekend match up in the playoffs, except at Candlestick Park as the Niners are going to win that division hands-down and therefore get at least that first home field game.

St. Louis @ Green Bay: You guys believe me when I say I had Green Bay, right? Because who didn't. The Rams are trash tier. It's really, really sad watching that team regress from last season. But, on the bright side for them, they acquired Brandon Lloyd from Denver this week so that should help their passing game out a bit.

Buffalo @ New York Giants: This game made me >:( face several times. BUFFALO, HOW COULD YOU? I swear, the Giants are such an enigma. When they play good football, they look like the team who surprised the world by beating the invincible Patriots back in '07. When they don't, they look like they are in the same tier as Carolina (close games, but too many turnovers and they lose.)

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh: And yet again, a week I've got my team winning, they barely squeak by. First half, it looked like we were still playing as we did against Tennessee the week before, which is to say Super Bowl caliber football. Then the mysterious Super Bowl Hangover afflicted us again. And to top it off, Palomalu suffered a concussion so who knows how that'll affect our team. This season reminds me so much of the year directly after we beat the Cardinals in the SB. We're just inconsistent in a dangerous way so we'll be lucky to make the playoffs.

Philadelphia @ Washington: I was all ready to crown the Redskins as come-back kings of the year, too, and they had to go lose to Sillydelphia. I guess it doesn't shock me THAT much because there is still way too much talent on the Eagles for their record to be as it currently is. They'd been putting up a lot of offense against everyone but just couldn't find ways to win games. I'm not ready to say they've righted the ship, but it's a start for them. We'll see if it carries over.

Houston @ Baltimore: I knew the Ravens had this one as soon as I heard last week that the Texans best defensive player in the history of that franchise, Mario Williams, was out for the season. Houston has been on the fence since they entered the league, but the one thing you could rely on was the very few star players they had. Now, two of the big three players for them are injured now with Williams and Andre Johnson. It might not be Houston's year after all, everyone. If you asked me who I thought would win right at this moment on a neutral field between them and Tennessee, I'd bet money on the Titans. And to talk about Baltimore for a second, this was another game where they looked excellent. Ray Rice is a cannonball and that offense is explosive enough now that team can actually come from behind. Considering how good that defense is and how good their run game is, that's pretty scary because they are designed to hold on to leads.

Cleveland @ Oakland: I had Oakland in this one, and the only reason it even really got close is because Campbell suffered a broken collar bone. I was scared for the Raiders when I heard that news, but then today, they made a massive trade for Carson Palmer. It's reportedly a first round pick in 2012 and another in 2013 if they win a playoff game (or a second round pick if they don't). I know a lot of people gave up on Palmer, but he actually had a pretty decent season last year. 61.8% pass completions, 3,970 yards and 26 touchdowns. Interceptions were a problem with 20, but still it was a pretty good season. (Tom Brady, the league's MVP, was only about 4% better in completions and actually had 70 fewer total passing yards. He had 10 more TDs and 16 fewer interceptions, though, which is why the guy totally deserved the MVP. I'm only comparing him to the best here so you guys can say Palmer had a decent year.) If this works out, the Raiders, who were already pretty scary, have the potential to go the distance. It doesn't make them the best team in the AFC, but it does make them good enough to win any given Sunday and that's all you can really ask for.

Dallas @ New England: I had the Patriots winning this one because you don't beat Tom Brady at home. The Patriots haven't lost in Foxborough during the regular season since 2008, the year Brady was out with the knee injury, and before that I think you have to go all the way back to 2006. Something like 33? 34? regular season home victories in a row. That said, Dallas did what only the Texans do better and that's lose a game they should have won. You have to play to win. Don't get conservative and play the field position game against a Tom Brady team, especially when the crowd is behind them. It's just stupid. That's just stupid, stupid football.

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay: No way I thought Tampa was going to win this one the way the Niners obliterated them last week, but they did it. The QB Freeman is a baller and has ice in his veins for sure. It helps New Orleans lost a head coach during the game to injury (seriously, how often do you hear that? What a freaky thing). The Saints still win that division, though. I don't think the Bucs make the playoffs.

Minnesota @ Chicago: Can we agree that Jay Cutler is a tough son of a bitch? Because he is. Dude takes more hits than any other QB and yet still plays really well. If he's not the toughest football player, he's the toughest QB, and if he's not the toughest QB, he's goddamn the toughest diabetic you've ever known. Meanwhile, McNabb should just go retire now because he's done. His days are a player are over. Ponder played pretty decently and did what McNabb hasn't been able to do all season which is throw a ball with a tight spiral.

Miami @ New York Jets: Obviously I had New York winning this one. Weirdly, I think this one is a loss for the Jets because they should have won this game much more emphatically. The Miami Tunas have quit. They've just straight given up. I've never seen a team with less heart. Even the 0-16 Lions played with more passion. The thing that did it for me was going into half time, Miami still had a time out and could have easily got within field goal range as they had like :36 left on the clock. They just walked off the field. I was sickened by that amount of quit. I was angrier at the Dolphins, who I don't even really care about, than I was during week 1 when the Steelers got shellacked by the Ravens. It's obvious the team has thrown in the towel (especially with Tim Tebow day planned for when they play against the Broncos next week) and are just hoping to do bad enough they can draft Andrew Luck out of Stanford. It's disgusting behavior and I hope Sporano gets canned right now.

So what's that make me for week 6? 8 for 13? Ew. Worst week yet. Let's see if I can rebound.

Predictions week 7:
San Diego over New York Jets - Chargers are winning ugly but they are winning, and the Jets look... soft? Can it be said? They just don't look like a quality team.
Tennessee over Houston - If the Titans want to prove they aren't just pretending this year, this is the game. Probably the most important game for either team all season up to this point.
Denver over Miami - Timmy Tebow! It's going to be a home game for the Broncos because Miami, in one of the weirdest PR moves of all time, are celebrating the 2009 Florida Gator national champion team, quarterbacked by none other than the new starting QB for the visiting team. This better be on TV because I want to watch this more than any other game next week.
Chicago over Tampa Bay - I'm still not buying the Buccaneers. Chicago seems to look better every week, too, and Cutler is getting sharper as time goes by.
Detroit over Atlanta: The Falcons are pretenders. Detroit will find the endzone as Atlanta won't be able to stop the Big Play. Expect Megatron to get back to form.
Cleveland over Seattle - I still don't think Tavaris Jackson is going to be able to play well with that pectoral injury he had, even though he had the bye week to rest. The Browns SHOULD be able to pull off a much needed win here.
Washington over Carolina - Grossman was awful last week and all, but it's hard to be awful against Carolina's secondary. Washington in a bounce back win, and yet again, Carolina will keep it close but no cigar.
Pittsburgh over Arizona - My friend Craig and I are calling Arizona the "Pigeons" now because the only thing they are good for this year is laying turds. As inconsistent as the Steelers should win, this is a game even a bad team can have a field day against.
Oakland over Kansas City - Even if they had Terrelle Pryor start, I'd have Oakland over Kansas City. The Chiefs can't stop the run, and McFadden can run all day. Key stat of this game is time of possession. Watch Oakland have the ball for like 40 minutes of the game.
Green Bay over Minnesota - The Purple People Eaters look more like the Eaten Purple People at this point. Like I said before, I'm not picking against Green Bay all season even though I am pretty sure they'll lose a game.
Dallas over St. Louis: They can't drop another one to a such a crappy team, can they? No way Dallas blows it... right? ...Right?!
New Orleans over Indianapolis: Saints don't lose against teams who turn the ball over. Indy stands no chance here.
Baltimore over Jacksonville: I thought Gabbert was a bad choice to begin with. If they still had Garrard, I'd have given Jacksonville a puncher's chance but Baltimore is playing too hot right now to lose to a rookie QB.

Lastly, there's a couple "big things" those in the Football world are talking about right now. I watch a lot of sports analysis shows, and some of the things that get talked about drive me up the friggin' wall.

Firstly, the debate over who's better between Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady is the most pointless, asinine, stupid argument in the world. You're trying to tell me either team would rather have the other guy? Hell no. Patriots fans are 115% behind Tom Brady and Green Bay fans are 115% behind Aaron Rodgers. If you're asking me which guy I'd rather have behind center in Pittsburgh? Doesn't FREAKING matter, for the love of all that's good and holy. This is why we have fantasy football, Media types. The rest of us who actually care about the teams we cheer for don't have the luxury of spending our afternoons pointlessly debating things that aren't going to happen and that don't matter. Tom Brady is a first ballot hall of famer. Aaron Rodgers is looking like he's bound for Canton as well. Drop the stupid debate. It's so pointless. It's just an excuse for Skip Bayless to make himself look like more of an asshole than he already is.

Second, can we just decide "Handshakegate" is a non-issue? For those who don't know, there was a verbal altercation between the head coaches of San Francisco and Detroit after the game was over because the 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, super jazzed and mega pumped for the big victory as he should have been, was too aggressive in the way he shook the hands of the losing coach, to which Jim Schwartz took offense. He chased the other down the field a ways and they were separated by a PR guy or two. Just shut up about it, media. It's such a minor thing and a total non-issue. How about we talk about the game? It was the most exciting game this weekend. There's plenty of headlines we could take from it. How about how Alex Smith is finally showing he warranted being drafted, or how the previously unstoppable Ndamakong Suh got shut out by the offensive line for the Niners, or how about it's the first game of the season Calvin Johnson has been held without a touchdown catch? I mean, seriously. We're an entire society talking about how some guys after an emotional game got a little hot-headed. Pardon my french, but BIG FUCKING WHOOPTY GODDAMN WALLY.

Lastly, people are talking about Green Bay running the table, or which team between the currently winless is going to finish without a win. Neither of those are going to happen, people. Folks are just in a tizzy thinking it's going to happen again simply because a 16-0 and an 0-16 team have both happened within recent memory.

Let's go look at schedules for every team involved. Green Bay has one of the toughest remaining schedules of any team in pro football. They play the Chargers at San Diego, play the Lions twice (one of which being the Thanksgiving game and you better believe that crowd is going to go nuts over that one), play the Giants at MetLife Stadium, have to take on Oakland and Chicago late in the year, two teams likely to be attemtping to make playoff runs. Every one of those is a legit threat, people. If you disagree, you're wrong. Even Tom Brady last year with his nearly perfect passer rating managed to lose a few games. Aaron Rodgers is totally playing out of his mind right now, but it's a long-ass season and he'll inevitably have one game that's just mediocre if not bad. There's absolutely 0% chance they win them all.

As for the winless teams, the only one I feel is just completely hopeless is Miami. The Rams have a good QB but are just banged up as a whole team so injuries are really what's destroyed their season. More or less the same reason is why Indianapolis is in the gutter. Curtis Painter has played better every week, so they'll sneak in a win there somewhere. Indy gets Jacksonville twice still, gets a game against Atlanta and Carolina, and play the Texans late in the season. By that time, the Texans could potentially have the division shored up so they rest their players as the team is currently banged up with injuries. All of those, winnable games. The Rams can potentially win as early as next week playing against the highly inconsistent Dallas Cowboys, and they still have two games against Arizona and Seattle to play, as well as a game against Cleveland. They'll win one of those. The Dolphins get Denver next week (I think they lose it big but if they manage to win, it won't shock me because Denver is one of the 5 worst teams in the league in my estimation), get to play against Kansas City, Washington, Dallas, Philadelphia and final game of the season against the Jets. Every one of those is a game they can win. No way any of them go completely winless. 1 win only, quite possibly, but no way they go winless.


FINAL RANT ALERT:
So basically, get serious sports media. Quit making stories out of nothing. Quit blowing things out of proportion. Quit ruining the integrity of the game. Get back to reporting stories and trying to make people feel good about sports again. THAT is your job.

And to all media, I'd just like to leave you with this one final thought: Your job is not to create stories. I know that's what every professor you had in a Journalism major told you your job was, is to report stories. But that is not what it is. It is so much more. Your job is be better than everyone. It's to ignore what is a non-issue. You are the driving force behind the topics discussed as a nation, and when you micro focus on shit that doesn't matter, you're ruining the country and making it a worse place. You're the reason everyone feels oppressed. You're the reason people get run out of jobs for making one tiny mistake and showing the flaw of being Human. You're the reason so many otherwise wealthy people are desperately unhappy with their lives simply because everything they do is under the microscope of bullshit bottom feeding crappy people. I loathe you. And I loathe the people who sign your checks. Skip Bayless does not deserve to make money, because he's the most negative piece of shit on television.

And it's our own damn faults, America. Too often we tune in to television because we can't turn our eyes away from people too far out in Crazyville. The media is so full of themselves, they think they don't have to behave the way the rest of society does, that they can just go out to "get a story." Well, to be a good person you should strive to make other people happy. I don't care what industry you're in. If your goal is not to attempt to bring some joy into the lives of others, you're doing it wrong.

NFL Week 4

I feel like I'm totally missing the mark on this season, which is a great thing! It feels a lot like last season. Just when you think you know what to expect, the opposite happens. It's a great thing as a fan because you're always on your toes. Did anyone expect the Lions, Bills and 49ers would be where they were a month into football? Absolutely not. All three have been turd sandwiches for the better part of a decade so to see them get going so strongly is awesome as a fan of the perennial underdogs.

My predictions went 10/15 (the MNF game hasn't been decided at the time of me posting. It's tied 17 all with 6 minutes left in the 4th quarter, so worst that can happen is I repeat 10/16 like I did last week). Not all together that bad, and other than one egregious wishful thinking on my part, nobody really predicted the games I didn't get right.

(Edit: Looks like Tampa is going to win, up 7 with the ball and just 2 minutes left to go. We'll go ahead and say 11/16.)

I don't know what I was thinking picking the Raiders of the Pats because the Patriots never lose back-to-back games. I thought the Raiders were going to keep up that epic running game, but as all the ESPN talking heads point out daily, the Patriots are okay with allowing you to play offense against them. It just isn't going to be the offense your team is used to playing, because they take away your best weapon. Oakland can't rely on their passing game. I'll give Campbell some credit for showing he can still be a legit starter in the league. He's playing much better for the Raiders than he ever did for the Redskins. Still, he's not a 300 yard a game type of guy and never will be.

I'm utterly shocked Cincinnati won a game against upstart Buffalo. How can you circle the wagons against New England and lose to the Bungles?! Just unacceptable. Buffalo couldn't get any offensive production out of anyone, and it was eerie. Cincinnati defense is bad. I'm not surprised the Bengals scored 23 points; I'm surprised they limited the Bills (who've been playing great thus far) to just 20.

Minnesota is bizarre. I've never seen a team so completely different in each half of the game. Another game off to a good start, another game lost in the second half. Except this time to the Chiefs, formerly the 32nd ranked team in the league in pretty much every single possible category. It's a headscratcher. You have arguably the best running back in the league. You've got amazing talented wide recievers. You've got some of the best pass rushers in the league between the Williams brothers and Jared Allen. And you lose. Every game. They are totally done for the season now because the two BEST teams in the league are in their division, and Chicago is pretty decent themselves. It's a hole they can't dig themselves out of. I feel bad McNabb's otherwise great career is dead, because he's never getting another job again. David Garrard will find a backup position even if he doesn't play this season faster than McNabb will after he gets released from his contract at the end of this season.

How about them Eagles, eh? I remember when they had all those big signings. I was excited to see them play. And it's just a wreck in that town. Unlike the other losses here, it wasn't necessarily their game to win because San Fran is playing really, really well. Those Harbaugh boys really know how to coach a team and it's kind of cool having brothers head coach two different teams in the NFL. (How great would it be if the Manning brothers were the QBs on each respective team? Total pipedream but I'd love it.) Still, the Eagles are garbage on defense. People are laying the blame on Vick and that's unacceptable. He played out of his mind this Sunday, and all the games up to this point, his team was up until he got hurt every time. That defense is just bad. I lay the blame on the D-Coordinator, because seriously it's ugly. You have the second best cover corner in the league, another star corner in Rodgers-Cromartie, and yet your passing defense is atrocious. Makes no sense. Figure it out, Philly.

That Miami over San Diego pick looked solid until Henne got hurt. I swear to god watching a Chargers game sets me on edge as I consider myself a fan of the team. They just do not look sharp at all. It's amazing to me they've actually won 3 of the first 4 games of the year for the first time since Norv Turner took over. Proof that scheduling helps a ton.

Notes on other games:
Steelers, where has the O-Line gone? Big Ben is one of the best QBs in the league for getting out of trouble once a play breaks down but he can't do it literally every single down. I'm surprised this game was even as close as it was. It's painful to watch my team, and that makes me sad.

Dallas = choke artists, and I couldn't love it more.

Matt Hasslebeck defies age. I've always liked him as a QB and watching his resurgence in Tennessee is kind of neat.

Carolina had another close game. They feel very Lions-esque from a few years ago. Couldn't win a game but everyone recognized there was a lot of talent on the offensive side of the ball and the young stars are due to break out soon.

The Denver/Green Bay game wasn't as lopsided as the final score indicated. Two key turnovers early is what catapulted the lead, plus a super tricky onside kick call made the lead insurmountable early, but Denver hung in there and still put up numbers. Green Bay has the same problem as the other "best teams in the league" and that's a suspect defense. I actually think New England is the better team, and both are extremely similar. We can throw New Orleans in that mix as well, because they are all opportunistic defenses who can afford to give up points because the guy under center can cover just about any deficit your team can incur. If Aaron Rodgers was the slightest bit human Sunday, Denver could have actually pulled that one out and I really believe that.

That Baltimore/New York game was just ugly. What gives, Flacco? At least the Jets have the excuse of missing their pro-bowl center for all the offensive line breakdowns they've had. What about you? Missed a ton of easy passes, overthrew a zillion guys, and just played terrible. Inexcusable. And San-chise, stop buying into the hype around yourself. You're a USC Quarterback. The last bajillion of them have all been NFL busts. Rex Ryan needs to stop coddling you and go ahead and shock your confidence level for a week. I'm not saying he needs to be thrown under a bus but other guys on the team need to specifically say "Sanchez needs to step it up or we're not going to win many games." Because it's the truth. They will only go as far as he can take them, and right now that looks like it'll be a 6-10 season.

Predictions for week 5:

New Orleans over Carolina: Another close game for the Panthers, but you're not going to beat Drew Brees with the shoddy defense you've got. Sorry, mates.
Indianapolis over Kansas City: If there's ever a team for Indy to finally beat and get out of the winless column, this is it.
Buffalo over Philadelphia: Buffalo can't afford to drop two in a row. Philly can't stop the passing game if the Buffalo offensive coordinator can come up with a decent game plan.
Seattle over New York Giants: The Giants are still playing inconsistent football. By all rights they deserved to lose this week. I just think the sloppy play catches up to them finally against a team desperate to not lose another close game.
Cincinnati over Jacksonville: This should be an interesting game. I hope it's on TV so I can watch it, but either way its another battle of rookie QBs. Dalton is the better of the two so I think they're safe.
Tennessee over Pittsburgh: Could it be I picked against my own team two weeks in a row? Seems that way. Pittsburgh's time in the spotlight is over. They need a change at QB and younger guys on defense.
Oakland over Houston: Oakland is still playing solid football, and Houston's best offensive weapon is likely out with a hamstring injury. Oakland's D-line is big and physical and can stop the run.
Minnesota over Arizona: I am just selling my Cardinals stock is all. Minny can't really go 0-5, can they?
San Francisco over Tampa Bay: Comes down to which team I think is streaking versus which team I think is shrinking.
New England over New York Jets: Jets were abysmal in a way you can't fix in a week and they are about to meet the Cyborg. Expect the Brady Machine to roll.
Denver over San Diego: Denver's offense looked as good as it has since Jay Cutler left against Green Bay. If they can keep it up and play minimal mistake football, San Diego's inability to play consistent football is going to catch up to them.
Green Bay over Atlanta: I'm not picking against Green Bay until they meet a team with a legitimate defense. Falcons look terrible this year, too. Aaron Rodgers is playing other-level football right now and so I'm buying them over anyone until they show a sign of weakness.
Detroit over Chicago: Part of me wants to pick Chicago just because it feels like it's time and it's the only legit threat Detroit will face until Thanksgiving against Green Bay. I think it's the first game in a few weeks Detroit doesn't fall behind epic bad early and doesn't have to play heroics to catch up, though. Jay Cutler will be breathing through a straw when Suh rips up that weak O-Line, too.

More football talkings

Just because everything else I can think to talk about right now is serious in nature and I don't feel like being serious right now, let's go talk more football.

I got 10 of the 16 games predicted correctly. Considering this last week set a record for games decided by a touchdown or less, I'm going to declare this a win for me. Parity is the word; NFL is the league for it. It's kind of cool when every week, even though you "know" something about a team, a person can get surprised each and every time.

I want to give a shout out to the Bills and the Lions for being legit contenders this year. It's got a feel-good quality to it. I don't know anyone who hates either of these teams because neither of them have ever really been worth hating. Neither team has made the playoffs in this last decade, and the Lions hadn't really been a legitimate team since before the Super Bowl era while the Bills had that 4 year streak of making the Super Bowl just to lose each and every time. I'm a sucker for a good underdog story so seeing two perennial loser franchises at least off to a hot start makes great headlines.

Rather than gloat over which games I called correctly, let's pick apart where I missed the mark:

Cincinatti let me down. Maybe the new head coach in San Fran has that team working together fairly well, but still. Dalton had his first wake up call in the NFL... against the Niners? Weird. That team hasn't been a viable franchise since Alex Smith.

Philly let their QB get blown up again, and it looks like New York found they had a decent receiver in Victor Cruz. It's kind of fun watching the Eagles get dismantled with all the pre-season hype surrounding them. I have to give the Giants credit for playing solid football, too. They are going to sneak up on people because they don't win flashy, which as a Steelers fan I totally respect.

Looks like Matt Hasselbeck is trying to prove he's still got it. Guy is playing exceptional, especially for being 36,000 years old. There's no run game to speak of for the Titans (seriously, Mr. I'm Going To Hold Out Til I'm The Highest Paid Player In The League Chris Johnson, put up now). I knew that Denver was crappy, but I didn't know Tennessee had any kick. Also speaking of Denver, use Tebow in short yardage situations already. You've got the highest paid 3rd string QB in the league. He isn't the most accurate thrower in the league, so use him as an H-Back in short yardage or goal-line situations because it serves the purpose of helping your team and making your fan base happy.

Oakland, who'da thunk? I know McFadden is deliriously good, but I'd have balked at the notion any team was going to have 100+ yards running against the Jets. It was beautiful to watch, even though it made me wrong this week. Easily the most exciting game I watched all weekend.

Hey, you remember when Arizona traded away it's only legitimately good defensive player to get a Quarterback hailed as the savior of this franchise? I still think that was the dumbest, dumbest thing they could have done. It looks like the team is still going to fail hard and have the opportunity to draft one of the handful of pro prospect QBs coming up next year. How can you only put up 10 points against Seattle?! I mean, I know there's the whole 12th man thing and all playing the Seahawks at home but it was just ugly, ugly offense on the part of the Cardinals.

Tony "I Can Regenerate Limbs" Romo played well enough to not lose them the game. I give him all sorts of credit for hanging in there with a busted up rib and still getting 255 yards against a fairly solid defense. Still, if it wasn't for a bungled snap on a field goal on the part of Washington, the Redskins would have won. Huge win for the Cowboys, huge loss for the 'Skins.

Picks for week 4:
Chicago over Carolina - As great as Newton has played, Carolina's defense isn't very good. I expect Cutler to show up and play well this week.
Buffalo over Cincinatti - The Bills are circling the wagons, and the Bungles are still in rebuilding mode. Easy call here.
Tennessee over Cleveland - Time for me to not hate on the Titans so bad. Browns are still out their best running back so I don't know if they'll be able to get it going offensively.
Detroit over Dallas - Dallas is still banged up, while Detroit has the chance of getting back their legit rookie D-linesman Nick Fairley.
Houston over Pittsburgh - I don't even want to talk about this one because it's painful picking against your own team. Pitt almost lost to the friggin' Clots, one of the worst teams in the league this year. Houston has an explosive offense and any defense can get a pick off Roethlisburger so I think Houston in a landslide.
New Orleans over Jacksonville - Easy call here. The real question becomes how badly will the Saints destroy the Jags, because this one shouldn't be pretty.
Minnesota over Kansas City - Even Minnesota won't blow a 20 point lead going into the half against Kansas City.
Philadelphia over San Francisco - No way the Eagles can afford to drop this game. San Fran is playing pretty well for the Niners but they are still a pretender team this year.
Washington over St. Louis - Redskins are solid, St. Louis is totally decimated in terms of injuries. I kind of feel bad for the Rams, really.
New York Giants over Arizona - Arizona couldn't beat Seattle for crying out loud. Besides, Western teams tend not to play well out East so I'd have taken a solid Giants team over even a good Cardinals team due to home field advantage.
Atlanta over Seattle - Is it sad I don't feel comfortable with this pick? The Falcons are not playing solid football this year. Still, talent wise, they are the better team on nearly every position.
Green Bay over Denver - It's a win for Denver if Tebow touches the football. Only way they garner any sort of favor with their fans, because the Packers are gonna win big.
Oakland over New England - I'm calling it! I'm calling the upset. New England's defense is made out of butter so as long as McFadden stays healthy, he'll have another big game. Typically, teams with running backs dominating control the clock and the longer the ball is out of Brady's hands, the more of a chance Oakland has of pulling this off.
Miami over San Diego - Chargers are playing so damn soft, and Miami's players are fighting to keep a head coach around. Henne wants to stay in the NFL so he'll need a big game.
Baltimore over New York Jets - Jets still look banged up while Baltimore is firing on all cylinders. Both teams need this win to prove they are legit. I expect a close one.
Tampa Bay over Indianapolis - Indy is ranked 31th on the power rankings NFL.com put out this week. They are that bad. Tampa Bay is at home, too, so that should help the young line up rev up and play their best. Oh, and it's Monday Night. Home team advantage, check.

Two weeks in: NFL Predictions now and how they stack up to my initial beliefs

I feel pretty confident in what I said before the season started! It's almost like I know something.

Okay, so I just got lucky. Deal with it.

DIVISION BREAKDOWN:
AFC East - Looks like the New England Bradys are rolling. I know Tom Brady is good, but geezy chreezy. It's insane what kind of offensive numbers they are putting up in Beantown this year. The Jets, whom I predicted to win that division, also look pretty good but the problem is they aren't healthy right now. If they drop a number of games because their linesman are all banged up, it'll definitely put a crimp on my pre-season predictions.

And hows about them Bills? Looks like Buffalo is circling the wagons pretty legit right now. Fitzpatrick had a handful of really good games last year, but he's looking like a pro bowl candidate right now. It'll be awesome if they make it to the playoffs. We could be seeing both the wild card slots in the AFC go to AFC East teams at this rate, especially because the rest of the AFC divisions seem really weak this year. I know I'm rooting for them to play well; just not well enough to beat the Jets for top spot in the division! (I like to be right.)

AFC North - My football friends here in St. George tell me I really need to let week one's total beatdown of my Steelers go, but it's really hard. Ever have your team drop a 35 to 7 blowout AT HOME to the only legitimate division rival you have? It's not a good feeling. However, Steelers went to shut out the Seahawks, while the Ravens dropped a game to the flippin' Tennessee Titans and their 400 year old quarterback. I'm hoping that means week 1 was a fluke.

Cincinatti is looking better than I thought they would. Gotta give props to my red-headed love child Andy Dalton. I predicted he'd be the best QB long-term out of those taken in this year's draft because he was a baller for TCU, a team the media gave no credit to simply because they weren't in a BCS auto-bid conference. (He hasn't thrown an INT yet and has been extremely efficient. Only reason he's not talked about more often is because Cam Newton is throwing for a bajillion yards a game.) I also like how college football analysts are in love with Andrew Luck and give Kellen Moore no credit as a legit NFL prospect. Not to take away from Luck, who is straight baller himself, but seriously. Boise State is the real deal, Kellen Moore is the real deal, and the BCS should change it's name to the BSC: Bull Shit Crooks.

AFC South - Wow, what a mess this entire division is. Seriously. The Clots are horrendous, the Jags are still in rebuilding mode as they have been since Tom Coughlin left, and Tennessee can't run the ball despite having one of the best RBs in the game. I will be totally shocked if Houston doesn't win that division this year as they are the only legit team. Honestly, they might be the only one in their division to finish above .500 win percentage.

AFC West - Told you this would be an interesting division, and I told you the Raiders were legit. That Darren McFadden kid is ridiculous. Jason Campbell is doing a good enough job quarterbacking they'll be in every game this year, even if they don't win all of them.

The Chargers are up to the same old shenanigans, too. They are clearly the most talented team in the division from top to bottom, and they can't seem to win a game. It's quite sad, and really frustrating as a fan. I hope they can figure it out, but at this point the only team in the entire division playing well is Oakland. Kansas City looks like turd of the league and Denver's fans would rather lose games behind their third string than give their starter the benefit of the doubt. Totally disfunctional.

NFC East - I dub this division Injury Central. The Giants might as well be starting Pop Warner players because of how often their guys go down with injury. Hell, two guys tried faking an injury at the same time. It's like they wanted to jump on the bandwagon of the other teammates who are legitimately out for the season.

Vick of the Eagles got concussed in a freak accident last week. Total shame, because I was looking to him play well this year. He'll still start this week but if he's going to suffer brain injury while in the pocket doing what QBs are supposed to do, I don't see him lasting the whole year scrambling as only he can pull off so well.

And what is this Wolverine-like regenerative ability Tony Romo's lungs have? He goes out with a busted rib and A HOLE IN HIS FRIGGIN' LUNGS for an impressive come from behind win against the Niners, and reports are the lung has already healed up. No wonder everyone says he's tough: He's a super mutant. When Romo sprouts admanatium claws mid-game and shanks a foo, make sure you let people know you heard it here first.

Looks like I have to eat my words about the Redskins, too. Remember when Grossman was laughed at by all members of the sports media for saying he felt his team could win this division this year? I was one of those nay-sayers, but I got to give the DC Boys some props. They are playing solid football, and Grossman is looking more like he did when he led the Bears to a super bowl than he has since he led the Bears to a super bowl. With all the injuries to the other teams, they are looking like they might steal into the playoffs with a divisional championship this year. Craziness. Vick's brain is currently paste, Romo's adamantium ribs are sticking into his lungs, and Eli Manning is throwing to high school kids. They have the best air attack in that division? Are you kidding me?

NFC North - Looks like this is on track to be the division to beat. Minnesota is the only weak link out there, as McNabb looks like just about the worst QB in the league at this point. Chicago's O-line is terrible and yet they still find ways to win games so I give props where it's due.

And good grief, Detroit and Green Bay are rolling teams. I can't wait for them to play each other. I hope there's 17,000 sacks that game. Seriously, Detroit is my dark horse to win the Lombardi trophy this year and you can't count out the returning champs. It's exciting football.

NFC South - Carolina is still a bad team, but how about that Cam Newton? Sure he's turning the ball over a lot, but 420+ yards back to back for a ROOKIE. Totally insane, especially considering one of those games was against the returning champs. Absolutely not going to win even 6 games this year, but it's pretty exciting. That team has a bright future with this kid at the helm. Build around him and look out, they'll be like Detroit in 3 or 4 years.

Saints are still looking dominant. Falcons haven't shown up this year, though. I recall hearing a weird statistic that Atlanta hadn't had two back to back winning seasons in like ever until just this past two years, so maybe that trend picks back up. Tampa Bay looks alright, so we'll see if they can win against Atlanta this weekend.

NFC West - Told you this division would be difficult to predict. Looks like Arizona is back to form, though. Kolb has played really good, and unlike their guy last year, he can actually get the ball into the hands of Larry Fitzgerald. You wouldn't think that'd be a difficult thing to do as Larry has the best hands in the sport.

Seattle's offense is looking atrocious so they aren't going to be as competitive as I thought. The Rams look okay at times, but they are without their star RB now so I don't see them repeating even the 7-9 season they had last year. The Niners are actually looking fairly legit, though, as they won in impressive fashion week 1 and if it wasn't for Wolverine coming back into the game, they probably would have beat the Cowboys. It's a division to keep your eyes on, at the very least.

Week 2 predictions:
Buffalo over New England - Pats are a scoring machine but their defense "can't stop a nose bleed." The 15 game losing streak is snapped this Sunday.
Carolina over Jacksonville - I expect yet another 400+ yard game for Newton.
Cincinatti over San Francisco - I'm telling you guys, Dalton is legit.
Cleveland over Miami - The Browns have a really solid D and I just don't see Miami breaking the hump this year.
Detroit over Minnesota - McNabb is gonna get a face full of Suh this weekend and it'll be glorious pain and obliteration.
New Orleans over Houston - You don't beat the Saints in the Super Dome. Sorry, Texas.
Philadelphia over New York Giants - Vick might be concussed, but the Giants are throwing to little kids.
Denver over Tennessee - I am selling all my Titans stock, despite their impressive win against the Ravens last week.
New York Jets over Oakland - This was difficult to choose, actually. I think this is game of the week. Still, I think the Jets squeak it out despite a beat up O-line.
San Diego over Kansas City - I'd pick the Dixie Red Storm over Kansas City right now. Team is awful.
Baltimore over St. Louis - No way the Ravens drop two weeks in a row to bad teams.
Green Bay over Chicago - Chicago's offensive line won't stop the blitzing you know Green Bay is gonna throw at them.
Arizona over Seattle - Time to see what Kolb and Fitzy-Fitzgerald can do against a bad secondary.
Tampa Bay over Atlanta - Just don't see that spark in the Falcons this year.
Pittsburgh over Indianapolis - A team with no offensive continuity can't beat Troy Palomalu and the Steelers.
Washington over Dallas - Dallas' X-Man of a quarterback isn't going to play this week if the Cowboys are any sort of smart, and Washington is hungry.